Just a free association here. Last week's session was pretty good. I have been going for nearly a year and am thinking about what I hope to accomplish.
Good things about therapy -
1. I have a place where I can (theoretically) talk about anything for 45-50 minutes/week. With someone who is (theoretically) not judgemental. It does feel like a safe place. She is only one of two people that know my history AND the only one I can talk to (besides here).
2. I like my T. This is also a bad thing. It's not just transference - at least I don't think it is. She is someone I would like if meeting her for the first time at a social gathering. I had one other T that I did not feel this way about, so I don't think it is just transference.
Bad things about therapy -
1. I seem to spend much of the week after having sessions in my head. The problem is that the next session never seems to go the way I imagine. More likely than not, we sit without talking for awhile. And I get nervous and anxious, even though I like her. Perhaps that is part of the problem. I think if she sees all my insecurities - she won't like me.
2. I don't know the end point. She talked about trying to fuse the inner child with the capable adult. I claim, but I'm not that child anymore. She says "Oh but you are." This is hard to get.
This has been an up and down week. Funny how I can blow small things out of proportion in my mind and spoil my mood.
I'm sure I will think about more for the list.
I also have sessions in my head in regards to how I think the next one will go/planning out what I would like to talk about and what to avoid which also leaves me disappointed when I don't fulfill those session goals. I get the same way...sit in silence, then get nervous about not talking about the things I wanted to which equals into this "frozen" state unless I can muster up the courage to jump into some topic.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping this is common among clients ;)
I think it is common. I told my therapist that the reason our sessions never go the way they do in my head is because she doesn't respond the way I imagine. Of course, that became a springboard for "So, how did you imagine I would respond to xyz"?
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI find that making up a short list helps keep me on track, some of the time, if I remember to bring it.
But the one thing that totally derails me is if a therapist at the beginning of a session asks so how was your week? That is so immaterial, I think, and takes me down all the wrong roads.
I think what she means about the inner child is that she is still the same as she always was, you grew up, but her unmet needs and healing have kept her stuck in the same spot. It is definitely something that can be healed. I think the fusing part takes a while, the healing part needs to come first.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate