So I did some prep work today - went through some of my journaling and made some notes about what to talk about with T. I thought my first comment would be "We have a lot to talk about". Instead, I got there a little early and stewed in the parking lot. This is my first week at this new place. I got so worked up - it was like a mini panic attack. Then I went in to sit in the office where I waited for 10 minutes. The new office is nice - warm color. I sat on the couch for the first time. But I couldn't talk about the things on my card. She is warm and empathic - realized I was having a hard time just being in a new spot. At one point, I told her "This sucks - and I really hate that word". Then I sat in the car afterwards reading a text from my d, and as I was leaving I HIT the car behind me! How awkward is that? I left my cell phone number on the window - that could be an awkward conversation. Will it be a patient or a therapist? Didn't do much damage - just scuffed up the bumper a bit, but still......
One thing we talked about was telling someone else about the abuse. I asked if she thought it would change a friendship. I can imagine the conversation now - "I know I've known you for 30 years, but I neglected to tell you that I was sexually abused as a child." How can that not change things?
To repeat - THIS SUCKS.
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