More books

So I have picked up a couple of new books to continue in my reading. I can only work through the Courage to Heal workbook at a certain pace. I picked up -

Secret Survivors
Secret Scars
Healing Trauma by Peter Levine
Walking the Tiger by Peter Levine (actually only downloaded a sample of this one)

Looked at "Drama of the Gifted Child" at the bookstore over the weekend, although I didn't buy it.

Any comments on these? Any others to add to the list? Reading is one of my comforts - although it usually isn't as intense as these.

For pleasure, I just started Elegance of the Hedgehog.

Continuing for now

So yesterday was a good session. I vented all my frustrations from last week. I had written a post in my private journal summarizing everything. The good news is that she was aware on some level at some of the things that went awry. When I mentioned "doorknob moment", she got a smile on her face. I asked if she knew what I was going to say and she admitted that she knew the previous week that she had said something that didn't settle the right way. She could tell from the look on my face.

We talked a lot about boundaries. In some ways, I need rigid boundaries. I want to start on time and end on time. Or if we start late, I should get the 45 minutes due me. In other ways, I would like more lax boundaries :)

She warned me at the beginning of the hour that someone I know was moving into the office next to her. This feels like a violation of my space. This is a mother I know through school (who happens to be a social worker). We have dinner a couple times a year. We've talked about therapy (although not specifically mine). Now I will need to tell her about mine because I will see her there in her professional setting. The other thing that clouds the issue is social events. How would it work if T and I were at the same intimate social gathering hosted by this couple?

More fodder for next week. :)

Taking a break from therapy

I'm considering this after yesterday's session. It had been a couple of weeks due to my vacation. It was one of those sessions where it seemed like all we did was rehash things we've talked about before. I wasn't really up for talking that much. I did ask about progress and knowing when to end. Her comment was somewhere along the lines of "It depends on what you are comfortable with - when you think you've done what you need to do". Although there are grey areas in my field, most of what I do is black and white. It's cancer or not. It's normal or not. Perhaps that is my issue. But she should be able to work with me on this. Realistically, I know we are all different and the needs and timeframe are different. BUT - some guidance would be nice. I almost got the feeling yesterday that she didn't care whether I continued or not. Again, I know that's not likely to be true.

I did tell her about this blog. She was curious and wanted to know about how people comment, whether it was out there for all to see, how people would find it, etc. That got me worrying afterwards about how she might find it. Do others talk about their blogs with their T? Does your T read your blog? If so, do you post about them and your sessions?

Overall - I'm not unhappy with life - just must be a therapy funk. I've thought about calling after hours to let her know I want to take a break. Seems like the cowardly way out. At least we will have something to talk about in the next session.

Haiku

It's been a long time since a new post. I have lots percolating through my mind. Still questioning the therapy - wondering how I will recognize when I am done. I have processed a lot in the last year and am definitely at a better place. Perhaps inspired by cleaning out end of school things for the kids - I have been writing haikus in my mind - they're not great but it's where my mind is at the moment.

Noises in the night
Stairs creaking, doors opening
Please don't come tonight


Under the blanket
Holding breath, fearful, waiting
Darkness surrounds me

Faded wallpaper
Plaster falling off ceiling
Occupy my mind



I sense a theme.