I'm considering this after yesterday's session. It had been a couple of weeks due to my vacation. It was one of those sessions where it seemed like all we did was rehash things we've talked about before. I wasn't really up for talking that much. I did ask about progress and knowing when to end. Her comment was somewhere along the lines of "It depends on what you are comfortable with - when you think you've done what you need to do". Although there are grey areas in my field, most of what I do is black and white. It's cancer or not. It's normal or not. Perhaps that is my issue. But she should be able to work with me on this. Realistically, I know we are all different and the needs and timeframe are different. BUT - some guidance would be nice. I almost got the feeling yesterday that she didn't care whether I continued or not. Again, I know that's not likely to be true.
I did tell her about this blog. She was curious and wanted to know about how people comment, whether it was out there for all to see, how people would find it, etc. That got me worrying afterwards about how she might find it. Do others talk about their blogs with their T? Does your T read your blog? If so, do you post about them and your sessions?
Overall - I'm not unhappy with life - just must be a therapy funk. I've thought about calling after hours to let her know I want to take a break. Seems like the cowardly way out. At least we will have something to talk about in the next session.
My t knows I write a blog, but he doesn't know the address and I wouldn't want him to read it. He hasn't asked to. I write a lot about therapy, I process my therapy through my blog in a way, and if I knew he was reading it I would censor. I don't want to do that. But sometimes I think he would know so much more about me without me having to tell him if he read it.
ReplyDeleteHarriet -
ReplyDeleteI've been curious - is Harriet your real name? If so, don't you think your T could find your blog if he chose to look? After last week's session, I did a couple of google searches using different word combinations to see if my blog came up. It didn't - at least in the first several pages. I agree that I would definitely censor what I write if I had T reading it. Not that I write that often.
I have a session today - I'm planning on bringing up a possible therapy break. I'll let you know how that goes :)
Found you!
ReplyDeleteUrm ... yes my T knows about my blog. And reads it from time to time. But some posts I password protect for that reason (although some I give her the password for). Honestly I kind of like her reading it - she gets to know me and the stuff I struggle to say out loud and then we can talk about it. I guess the attachment I have makes me WANT to be that close. Darn it!
Actually the first time I asked her to read it was because I was writing about a session and how I felt about our relationship. It was easier that way. She did some exploring and said she found it interesting and flattering! haha!
I wonder if your T was just being careful. I imagine she would have an idea about what she thinks you might need to work on, but probably doesn't want to pressure you into working on something you aren't ready for. I understand the frustration not knowing, and there being so much grey - I struggle with this also, it annoys me SO much sometimes, but I'm learning to trust the process and live with a little uncertainty. Grudgingly!
Samesky -
ReplyDeleteIt's possible she doesn't want to pressure me into working on something I may not be ready for, but she usually alludes to the abuse in every session if it doesn't come up in something I say.
Harriet is not my real name. It's the name of a character from a book - Harriet the Spy. If I used my real name he would definitely be able to find my blog - I have an unusual last name. Do therapists google their patients do you think?
ReplyDeleteI have just started my anon blog about my journey but I haven't told my therapist about it. I am undecided about whether I should or not. I have a more public blog that she knows about but to my knowledge I don't think she has looked at it.
ReplyDeleteI like guidance within my sessions. I dislike it when the T leaves things open ended as I don't always know what direction to take
myself.
Harriet - I don't know whether therapists google their patients. I would think most would not. And I loved Harriet the Spy! I forget - was Welch her last name?
ReplyDeleteInamaze - I also have a private blog and this public blog. I can't imagine that my T would want to read them. Although we talked about my haikus in session yesterday. I handed a copy of them to her as I was leaving last week. When you say you don't like things open ended - do you mean you have to bring up the topics or your T doesn't provide "advice" when you want it?
Yes, her name was Harriet M. Welch. Same as mine! Well, not really :-)
ReplyDeleteWith one of the first T's I had she would ask me "what should we work on?". If I said I'm not sure she ask if I really wanted to do this. It was all so confusing to me at the time. It also gave the me the feeling she couldn't care less one way or the other.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning I didn't even understand myself let alone the theraputic process. I am still working on the understanding but in the beginning I was clueless.
I felt pressure to perform properly and feared if I didn't she would not see me anymore.
So guidance within the session helps me with direction. I hope this makes sense.
inamaze - sorry for the delay. It does make sense. As for your first T - I'm not sure how helpful it is to ask if "you really want to do this". I think most of us who read blogs about therapy are trying to learn about the process. It is a strange relationship and it does help to know that others find it strange also.
ReplyDeleteI always try to challenge mine to come up with a topic - she usually doesn't oblige though :)