The good -
1) I've disclosed everything I remember about my abuse.
2) I've told T, my husband and I've put it here.
3) I've broached the subject with my mother and learned a few more things.
4) I think I feel more secure in my parenting skills.
5) I don't think about the abuse nearly as much as I used to.
The bad -
1) My relationship with my husband is not what it was - it is more distant without much intimacy (physical and emotional).
2) My relationship with my mother is not what is was - I can barely stand to talk with her. She is now depressed again and somehow I feel guilty for this.
3) Instead of thinking about the abuse, I now think about therapy and my therapist more than I would like.
I'm at the point where I think I need a roadmap or some guidance to figure out where to go next. And I'm not sure I am getting that from T. So, once again, I am at the point of trying to decide whether to quit therapy completely, try a new T with more experience in CSA or stick with it with current T for a while longer. And yes I will talk about this with her - it seems like we have been over the issues before.
I particularly dislike how one week can be good and the next not so good. By good - I don't necessarily mean that I "feel" good after a session, but that we connected - even if the conversation was difficult.