Therapy, thus far

So after a particularly bad session (you know the the type - nothing to say - staring at each other in awkward silence) this week, I've been evaluating what has been accomplished thus far in nearly two years.

The good -

1) I've disclosed everything I remember about my abuse.

2) I've told T, my husband and I've put it here.

3) I've broached the subject with my mother and learned a few more things.

4) I think I feel more secure in my parenting skills.

5) I don't think about the abuse nearly as much as I used to.

The bad -

1) My relationship with my husband is not what it was - it is more distant without much intimacy (physical and emotional).

2) My relationship with my mother is not what is was - I can barely stand to talk with her. She is now depressed again and somehow I feel guilty for this.

3) Instead of thinking about the abuse, I now think about therapy and my therapist more than I would like.

I'm at the point where I think I need a roadmap or some guidance to figure out where to go next. And I'm not sure I am getting that from T. So, once again, I am at the point of trying to decide whether to quit therapy completely, try a new T with more experience in CSA or stick with it with current T for a while longer. And yes I will talk about this with her - it seems like we have been over the issues before.

I particularly dislike how one week can be good and the next not so good. By good - I don't necessarily mean that I "feel" good after a session, but that we connected - even if the conversation was difficult.