So after a few back and forths with my therapist, I finally met with her last night. I printed out my private journals related to the phone call with my mother. I also journalled what I wanted to cover in this session including my anger at her for seeming dismissive about things. I printed that out and took it in.
It was a good session. We stayed on task. We got through a lot of material. Albeit, somewhat superficially due to time constraints. I felt like she listened and cared. She commented that she was worried that I would view her voicemail as "dismissive". We talked about the phone calls with my mother. She validated my belief that it is "all about my mother". She has continued to call me every day, but not once has she asked how I am doing. My T made a leap of faith - she said she didn't think my mother would injure herself (obviously she is basing this only on what I have told her), but even if she did, it would not be my fault. There is an ugly part of me that really doesn't care at this point.
The only downside to the session was that since I was so focused on what I had written and wanted to get through, I probably listened less than usual. My memory of what SHE said is not great. But I do know it felt right at the time.
One of the things I addressed with her was my concern that her experience with CSA survivors is not broad (by her own admission). We talked about the fact that she might consult with someone who works more frequently in the area. At one point, I would have thought that to be awful. Now, I welcome it.