Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Confiding in others

I think one of the hardest things about my three week break from therapy was the realization that my T is the only one I talk with about my past. Besides those involved, only two others know my history. One is hubbie and we don't talk about it (one of my areas of anxiety). The other is a long term close friend who lives 3000 miles away and has a busy life with young kids. So we don't talk often.

Although I had a great vacation - it seemed like my "internal chatter" was greater and got fairly negative by the end of my break. I'm thinking that is because I had no outlet for my thoughts since I can't call or email T. Well I could call if there was something big, but this was the "usual chatter".

That led me to think about friends who I might tell so that I might be able to unload when needed. I see a few issues with this -
1) you never know how it will be perceived
2) is it selfish to tell someone so that I can talk to them when necessary? Would I be attempting to use a friend as a therapist?

Any thoughts on this?


  1. No its not selfish its called confiding in a friend

  2. I think this is the whole point of having friends. It is how most people manage day to day stresses and overwhelming feelings.

  3. New to your blog. Appreciate this post. I can so relate. Thank you for sharing.

  4. True, you never know how the others will perceive things, but I guess it is a risk we choose to take. Or not.

    Selfish? Definitely not! I think it makes friends feel good when we share our feelings with them. It's unselfish! By opening up to someone we are giving them importance to our lives and making them feel special.

    Sounds good in theory anyway, I never do it.

  5. I am the same as you. My T has been asking me to think about starting to share with a friend. One of my biggest worries is if I did that will their perception of me change. I was actually very reluctant to share some of my darker things with my T for this reason. But I can see how it could be beneficial to able to share in a friend to friend way. I think it is one of the perks of friendship.

  6. Thanks to all for the comments -
    I *KNOW* it is not selfish to open up to a friend and confide in them when needed. I have always been the "listener" - something we've talked about in therapy - that I listen well so I don't have to confide.

    Unfortunately - as with many things in this process - intellectual knowledge is not the same as knowing it with your heart.

  7. Some types of friendships are close and confidential and safe. Confiding is a normal part of that kind of friendship interaction. I have that a lot from my friends I first met online. But I don't have it in person. I do think that no one can tell how someone else will take disclosures. But you deserve to have that kind of support, care, and love from a friend or two. Good and healing thoughts to you.


  8. When you are unable to talk to someone, have you tried writing it in a journal?
    Also, if you have a friend that you go out to dinner with, maybe the movies, or have some other type of fun, then she accepts you for you. You might want to start disclosing some minor information and see how she reacts.
    Lindsey Petersen

  9. Thanks Kate for your well wishes.

    5kids - I have journalled online but not consistently. When I really need to get my thoughts out of my head - writing it down certainly helps.

  10. Hi onelongjourney,

    I haven't come across your blog before tonight but just wanted to say that, reading through your last few posts, I can understand some of what you are feeling, certainly in the therapy realm, and although i have no definitive answer to your question, I think that it's important to go with your gut instinct.
    I have a two friends who I ocassionally confide in when things are bad enough because I trust them and they know me well enough to know that I will 'reappear' (ie. appear back in their lives) when I'm ok enough.
    I struggle with the idea that I am being selfish if I share anything so can well understand your feelings.
    You are SO SO right about the fact that the head and heart understand things differently.
    Intellectually it's all so easy!