Friday, May 7, 2010

Anniversary Date

So last week was my two year anniversary with my therapist. As is typical for me, I asked her where she thought we were (or perhaps where she thought I was relative to two years ago) and if she had any thoughts as to where we might go. As is typical for her, she punted the question back to me, because of course "It's all about me". I'm just not sure if I can do this anymore. It seems as if we have been stagnant for some time in the sessions. I asked her about her training for EMDR. She doesn't think she will. I'm considering termination. Or searching for a new T. The last option is anxiety provoking.

I had a dream that I quit therapy in quite a rude way - cancelling an appointment, telling her on the phone that I was quitting, telling her to count me as one of her failures. Like I was trying to hurt her. I'm sure that is saying something about where my mind is now. And I'm not that sort of person.

I will talk about this with her next week, but I am not hopeful. We've had similar discussions before.

Do others find that their therapists challenge them?


  1. Mine does challenge me, but never pushes me. There is probably a difference. I do not know if you feel "pushed" by your t.

    I am sorry you are struggling OLJ.

    Here listening..... ((((OLJ))))

  2. Oh I am so there with you. Seriously considering quitting, by just saying "Goodbye." No 4 week wrap up or any of that crap. My goal was to be better by the middle of May, and I don't feel better. What's the point of going week after week and hearing, "What are we talking about today?" Why am I doing this?

    I'm sorry you aren't getting anywhere though, OLJ. I know you work hard, you try hard, maybe it's just not a good fit? But I know you feel somewhat attached to her and there is that fear of leaving, of starting with someone new. How will you deal with that?

  3. Just be Real - No I don't feel pushed by my T - in some ways I think she is pretty passive about things.

    Harriet - I have a private journal on Live Journal that I started a year and a half ago and have written about 60 entries. I read them all today and realize that maybe I haven't come very far - I was still saying the same things at the beginning of my therapy. I'm not sure if it is the "fit" or if I am not cut out for therapy. I don't talk about feelings much (sh$t I'm not sure I feel feelings). That was one thing I wanted to work out in therapy - but I think I feel too vulnerable to do that.

    Don't know what I will do - will likely talk about it with her this week. I actually looked up the number of another therapist that was recommended a few years ago - did not go so far as to call.

  4. OMG - am I the last one to see that therapist breaks down to the rapist. I've never noticed that before.

  5. Dream maybe Neg transference kicking in OLJ?

    As a therapist I would say I challenge clients regualrly. This does not necessarily mean confronting them although that does happen. In my language the Child of the client needs to be 'touched' in some way during the session and that will be a challenge in some way


  6. Tony -
    Oh I am sure there is a lot of negative transference going on right now. Although my path isn't quite like your diagram. Instead of the steep mountain up and down, mine seems to be a lot of hills. I'm sure I am not "done" with therapy - maybe I'm just realizing this is not the one for me. I'm not sure if I can tell the difference at this point.


  7. My T challenges me all the time. Sometimes I get quite angry at her for it. This certainly gives me opportunity to work it out inside of stuffing it down.

    Interestingly enough I asked my T the same question of where she thought I was at in my last session. This came about because we were revisiting my goals that we had done at one point. Her opinion was quite different then mine.

    And about the word therapist, I myself just realized it a couple of months ago. I even talked to my T about it. Take care

  8. OLJ,

    If I got the lots of hills response I might think. Could be some kind of defense against the negative transference. Denial, minimization, intellectualization and the likes so see how she goes with its open expression.

    But i wouldn't move my furniture

  9. Tony -
    Trying to understand your comment "If I got the lots of hills response I might think"

    Are you talking as a therapist you might think? Or I as a patient might think? And the last "denial, minimization, intellectualization and the likes so see how she goes with its open expression"

    Not sure what you mean by that.

    I smiled at the "but I wouldn't move my furniture".

    I'm planning on bringing some of this up this week to see how it goes. Although I feel like we have had this session at least twice before.

    Was the wedding fun?


  10. inamaze -
    When you say her opinion was quite different than yours - I'm assuming she thought you had accomplished more than you thought??

    I plan on having (another) heart to heart tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

  11. My t does think that I have accomplished much more then I thought. I was quite surprised when she told me that. She must see something I don't. A suspicious part of me thinks she is just saying it to make the client feel good.

    I hope your session goes well. Take care.

  12. Yes OLJ I am talking from a therapist's point of view and thus it is what I might conclude if someone made such a comment and had such a dream.

    yes the wedding was most successful and I did very well



  13. Oh my, yes indeedy, my therapist certainly does challenge me. Sometimes it's an outright push, sometimes a gentle nudge, and sometimes she has this sneaky way of laying the ground work for a challenge to come.

    I'm sorry things are so hard with your T right now. Please let us know if you talk to her, make the call to the other T... or something else.