I haven't felt grief yet - except a bit on the day we found her. I suppose that will be wrapped into ongoing therapy.
She was somewhere between a pack rat and hoarder, so cleaning out her house will be a job. So far, I've found a few things -
1- A handwritten document in her handwriting written in 1968 summarizing my visit to the ER. This was when she took me to document the abuse (to be used in her divorce proceedings). This visit is one of my few memories. The last line reads "have arranged for psychiatric care". I don't remember this at all - surely I would remember if I saw a therapist for any length of time? She was not educated and many words are misspelled, but the essence is there. The frustrating part is that this thin slip of aged paper was found midst old cards and letters, bills (new and old). I want to tear her house apart looking for more.
2- Pictures - of my abuser - some with me. Ugh.