Tuesday, January 18, 2011

EMDR

So - my T and I came to an agreement about this and she gave me the go ahead to call another T last week. Of course, I know I could have done this on my own without the blessing of my T. I mentioned this once and got a very defensive reaction from my T.

At any rate, I met with the EMDR doc last night for the first session. This was basically a session where I told her part of my story (not many details at this point). We talked about where I was in my talk therapy at this point. We talked a bit about what I wanted to accomplish with EMDR. This was easier to talk about than I thought it might be. The goals seem so broad - not like checklist items, but she seemed to think they were good ones.

So - I liked her. As we talked and as I processed things afterwards, I thought about why I liked her and compared some things to my current T. For one, she had more facial expressions - seemed less reserved. Second, she voiced some opinions or at least validations in a way I hadn't heard before. And she asked questions.

Now - I know this might not have been a "usual" therapy session. It was our first one and it was in preparation for use of a specific tool. She is the consultant not the primary T. I may ask her if she thinks her approach is different in this setting than in her "routine" therapy.

I think this will be tricky for me. I met with my T tonight - she didn't know about the appt because it came up unexpectantly due to a cancellation. I'm sure I was projecting some of my feelings on her, but there definitely seemed to be a change in her demeanor. I wonder if she will find it difficult to share my care. And it will be hard for me not to compare them - I just hope I don't say anything that my T finds insulting.

I also need to make a decision as to whether I want my T there for the actual EMDR sessions. At first I thought it would be important for her to be there and comforting for me. Now, I'm not so sure.


8 comments:

  1. My hunch is that if you feel comfortable with the EMDR therapist already then your current T might actually make things harder and more uncomfortable rather than easier.

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  2. This is kind of like my t and my pdoc. Sometimes we get into patterns with our t's and we are somewhat immune to problems. It's good to have a third party to compare to, to bounce ideas off of, just to stir the pot a bit. I think my t got defensive when I told him about a great session I had with my pdoc. They must be very possessive of us!

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  3. I wonder if your t was there with you if she would somehow become part of the process. I guess what I mean by that is would you be checking her responses and body language against what is happening within the sessions. (just a thought) It might complicate things within EMDR sessions. I'm glad you liked the EMDR therapist.

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  4. Samesky - not sure what you mean - do you think my current T might be jealous of the new T? She sent me there! We don't have a perfect relationship due to my trust issues, but I have felt a better connection of late. I will have to bring this up in the next session - I have a session with her before the EMDR T.

    Harriet - I think that because there are obvious differences in styles between therapists. My current T, although more reserved in some respects, seems warm and I know she cares about me and what happens to me. I think I trust the EMDR therapist in part because my T sent me to her. If she trusts her, than I can to. You know what I mean?

    inamaze - next week I will bring up whether she should go along with me. We had decided up front that she didn't need to go with me for the introductory sessions. I think some of her demeanor change had to do with the fact that she didn't know I was meeting with the EMDR T. I have some concern about her being with me in the EMDR sessions - I am concerned about what might happen and how I will respond. I think I might be embarrassed by having her there. At least something to talk about in the next session. I need her to still be the understanding person I can trust and not be distant. I think it will be hard to navigate this.

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  5. [Grr, stupid blogspot lost my comment so here it is again...]

    I'm with Same Sky, I think I would feel more awkward with the two Ts there. Not for any reasons about the jealousy, but because I'd feel like the odd one out, or like I was putting them both out, or something weird.

    Good on you for doing this. It's never easy starting up with someone new. I really hope the EMDR works for you. :)

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  6. Hi OLJ,

    I don't think that I would want both therapists present. I just read other people way too easily and that might interfere with the process for me, I would need to be able to focus on myself rather than taking care of others, and that would be a big issue for me.

    It sounds as though your therapist has some issues with it all; and that would be natural, even if she did send you there.

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  7. Kerro and Kate -
    I'm not sure how it will proceed, but I'm thinking that I will at least do the first "real" session without my T there. Part of me doesn't want my T to see me in the EMDR session - less filtered than in therapy.

    In some respect I think having her present though would make it easier because she would be hearing all the conversation and seeing the interactions. I wouldn't feel like I am in the middle.

    Something I am sure we will talk about tomorrow.

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  8. I think whatever makes you comfortable is what matters most. You can start the EMDR sessions and then invite your T to them at a latter time just you said to Kerro and Kate above. I've heard EMDR works wonders for PTSD and anxiety. I hope you will find the same results.

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