Nablopomo June 5/6 Therapy

So there was no prompt yesterday on the site and none so far today. I checked as late as 10 p.m. So I missed yesterday -

One thing I did this week was write a long entry in my private journal about things to talk about in therapy. I'm one of those who chit chat for awhile and avoid talking about some things. And then the time runs out when we are in the midst of it.

I've had a heart to heart with T and at this point we've reached an understanding. Something came up this week which made me realize that I still don't completely trust her (or anyone). Although she is worthy of my trust - I intellectually know that. I called and left her a voice mail about the issue (something I've done only 2-3 times in over two years). I told her that she didn't have to call me back, we could talk about it at our session next week. But she called me back because "she didn't want me to ruminate about it over the weekend". And she said she was glad I called.

That got me thinking that she is definitely worthy of my trust.

Just because I KNOW it is transference

Doesn't make it easier.

T and I have spent quite a bit of the last few sessions talking about "our" relationship. And how uncomfortable it is for me to tell her what she means to me. So I'm realizing that I am projecting feelings of wanting to be mothered or to have an intimate friend on her, and she, in her therapist way, is filling those roles. In a recent session, she mentioned that she "tells" me more about herself than other patients and she was wondering if I was interpreting that as "friendship" or as a sign that she likes me. And I had to admit Yes. I think that bothered her - she was using this disclosure (I think) as a way to build trust. Although I think I knew that on some level, I also thought we were just talking because we are (1) similar ages (2)both physicians (3) share similar humor. So it seems a bit forced now - where I analyze what she says to me and wonder how she processes what I say to her. We have a two week break and the week back will likely be a bit of "fluff" and then she is off for a week or two. So - it will take a while to get back into this discussion.

One book I've read on vacation is The Talking Cure. It is a quick read dealing with how psychotherapy alters the brain. I found it interesting to discover that this therapist seems to be constantly processing what the patient is saying with her own interpretations and then reprocessing in order to determine how much of her bias she is interjecting, before responding. Must be exhausting.

Fiction books about therapy

A couple of books were recommended to me by a therapist friend. I'm in the midst of one AUGUST by Judith Rossner. A bit outdated (I think it's from the 70s) and boring at times, but interesting to read about the therapeutic relationship.

I've read a few others (mainly by Yalom). Anyone have other suggestions of fiction books dealing with the therapeutic relationship?