My worst job was the summer between first and second year of med school. I worked as a phlebotomist at a local plasma donation center - very depressing place - people came and gave blood for a paltry amount of money. There were about 10-15 of us from my class working there during the summer. Unfortunately, several of my classmates exuded superiority from every pore. This cast a bad light on all of us - you know the privileged and educated (yeah right - educated maybe, but certainly not privileged). I still remember the feeling I had when I couldn't "get" a hard stick one day and one of the full time workers had to help me. She was so full of scorn and derision that I, who was going to be a doctor, couldn't do this.
It was the first (and perhaps only) time I felt hated for what I was rather than who I am.
Great distinction, and one I'm thinking hard about lately. What I do vs who I am. I want to be valued for who I am regardless of what I do. I know that you are a great mom, a great doctor, a great friend, a great writer. Is that who are you though? Are you defined by your roles? Perhaps in a way you are, but there is so much more. Do they have questions like this on the nablopomo?
ReplyDeleteFunny - the question on nablopomo today is "If your spouse gave you clearance to have sex with someone else, who would it be?" How's that for odd? I won't be addressing that one here!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words - I consider myself a "good enough" mother (although my 10 year son tells me I'm the best mom in the whole entire universe and the best mom a guy could have :), a pretty good friend (although I get busy and forget my friends at times, I think I would help them in a heartbeat if they needed something). Definitely don't think I am a great writer. I am quite good at my job.
And I'm not sure that is "who I am". I define myself more by the thoughts inside my head - those that tell me I am not as good as someone else or that I am damaged because of my past. I think those thoughts have gotten less as I've progressed in therapy and I am able to judge myself more by my outward accomplishments than inward thoughts.
And you know - your list of things that you are great at is long. I still haven't started that exercise program :(
Oh, that must have been a very rough experience to see what people do to make ends meet.
ReplyDeleteDr Deb - It was rough - although some donated to get money for alcohol/drugs. It was harder to see the folks who worked there full time, what an awful thing to do day to day. At least I could escape at the end of the summer.
ReplyDeleteOLJ
Howdy,
ReplyDeleteI was once offered a choice of two temp summer jobs (when at uni) loading trucks or killing chickens. I kid you not. It's only the motivation of the other things that you do outside of "work" that make it bearable - keeping the greater goal in sight!
Is this a new blog layout by the way? Love it.
RE: blog layout - Thanks! I got a notice that I could update - all I did was click a button. Looks a bit cheerier - may change it to something darker if my mood changes :)
ReplyDeleteSo - which job did you choose? UGH.